Today we are delighted to announce that ISIS, which began over 10 minutes ago, as a volunteer led organisation working with homeless people, has began manufacturing trilby hats in order to raise much-needed funds for homeless people.

Employing unemployed Bengali professors of English, currently shelf filling at the nearby Sainsbury's Metro, we now have a streamlined workforce of two. Unfortunately, as all are now suffering extreme fatigue from overwork, HRH The Prince of Oxford has agreed to stand in for the duration.

HRH has agreed to make one trilby hat every leap year, which will be sold to the Morris-Oxford Training Centre in um, Oxford, for three peanuts.

Additionally, we are taking on one billion malnourished workers from North Korea who will be housed in disused public lavatories across the UK making the latest counterfeit designer trainers for distribution in Britain and America.

We are therefore planning to open a brand new fully air-conditioned 10 star hotel in Bognor Regis, where the younger royals can obtain a bit of street credo by sleeping rough in Bognor and pissing in the streets. They can pop back to our hotel for a sumptuous champagne breakfast with oysters. Power showers and Turkish saunas will be available, along with free condom machines. The hotel has ample parking space, heliport and its own wind farm.

Baci Baci
Chief Executive
New Road

Notes for editors. Today volunteers play a crucial role working with homeless people, providing administrative support and raising much needed funds. For more information, please call Piggy Diggy on 0207 666 12837.