BAG A BONES

The heat was becoming oppressive, walls closing in. Bile drying on the soiled and stained bed sheets next to me. The stench of decay omnipresent. Retching as my legs shakily tried to hold the weight of this emaciated bag of bones which barely passes for a body any longer. Oh to be outside. Clinging on to the hall walls leading into the front room, a room we rarely enter any more, the window are too big and although they are well covered it still seems dangerous. There is no sign of Ray. He can't have left, that would be suicide, and it's too soon. "Ray" comes out a croak, not my voice! Or it never used to be. " Ray " repeated and again and again it becomes a mantra. There is no indication that ray is any where in this tiny little flat that used to be our most beloved home our new beginning, our chance. Crawling along the hallway still not convinced of Rays presence in the flat, but the alternative was more horrifying than the prospect of risking life and limb outside. Approaching the bathroom and I spy a tuft of dirty yellow hair. My blood freezes, horror washes my very soul and I hear my self scream "NO". There is no movement.
Time moves very quickly and very slowly as and I find myself gazing down on the face of Raymond Bloxham my husband.
The strangest thing happens. Hope arrives. My thinking speeds up and my body is flooded with energy. I'm almost optimistic.

As I make my way back into the bedroom and lay down, calculations take the place of grief. How much longer could I survive in here with this paltry amount of food {a little longer, twice as long in fact.}How long before the body of Ray had to put outside? Could I bear it?
Time passes, as it does.

Rays body is well covered as I risk the outside, after four days the smell has become unbearable. If Ray's body is well covered in an attempt to shroud the stench, mine is twice as covered not a centimeter exposed, with special attention paid to mouth, nose and eyes. Dragging out a literarily dead weight is the most exhausting five hours I've spent since the beginning of this whole nightmare began. This the first glimpse of the outside world for over two and a half months, it scares me. I know that the danger period is almost over, and not for the first time it crosses my mind that there are others who may already be out and roaming. Their motives unknown. I'm very scared , without Ray the thought of fending for myself is terrifying.

Day light is fading, dusk is falling along with the dust. Ray's body safely in the shed, which now padlocked has become his tomb.